"Making Life Wonderful?" Finding Empathy on the Path of Freedom

A response to a question brought up in the Path of Freedom discussion board this week inspired this article. Here's the question:

At the root of NVC is the shared human desire to "make life more wonderful." How does that reconcile with a psychiatric disorder like sociopathy?

That’s a deep and important question. Nonviolent Communication (NVC), as developed by Marshall Rosenberg, starts with the belief that all human beings share the same fundamental needs and that every action attempts to meet one or more of those needs. The idea that we all want to “make life more wonderful” (for ourselves and, ideally, for others) is based on this universal drive toward fulfilling needs like safety, belonging, meaning, autonomy, and connection.

When it comes to a psychiatric condition like sociopathy (often related to Antisocial Personality Disorder), things get more complex. People with sociopathy often show persistent patterns of disregard for others’ rights, lack of empathy, and manipulative or harmful behaviors. So, how can NVC make sense of this?

 Here are a few ways that reconciliation might happen:

1. Needs Are Still Present—Strategies Are Skewed.  NVC doesn’t assume that all behavior is healthy—it assumes that all behavior attempts to meet a need. Even someone with sociopathic traits is trying to meet needs: for control, autonomy, survival, or maybe even connection (in a distorted or self-serving way). Their strategies may be harmful, even destructive, but the underlying needs are still human.

🔍 Example: A person manipulating others might actually be trying to meet a need for significance, safety, or agency—just in a way that disregards others’ needs.

2. Empathy Deficits Complicate Connection

Someone with sociopathy may have an impaired capacity for empathy—the very thing NVC relies on to connect needs. Without the ability to resonate emotionally with others, it becomes difficult for them to naturally care how others feel. This doesn’t mean they don’t have needs; it means they might not perceive the impact of their strategies on others or care.

This is where boundaries and protective use of force (a concept Rosenberg talked about) come into play. NVC is not naive—it doesn’t mean letting yourself be harmed in the name of empathy. When someone consistently shows no regard for others’ needs, NVC practitioners may shift focus from connection to safety and protection.

3. Making Life More Wonderful = Not the Same for Everyone

For someone with sociopathy, “making life more wonderful” may mean maximizing their own pleasure, security, or freedom, regardless of others’ well-being. That’s a different vision than most NVC practitioners hold—where life becomes “more wonderful” together, in mutuality.

So while the desire to meet needs is still present, the capacity to include others’ needs may be diminished. This is a significant limit when trying to apply NVC in such situations.

4. Can Sociopathy Be Reached with NVC?

It’s not easy, but not impossible. NVC can sometimes help in clinical or controlled settings, especially when someone is willing to self-reflect. But deep personality disorders often require intensive therapeutic work, and even then, change is limited.

NVC isn’t a cure for sociopathy. It’s a lens that helps us understand behavior—even harmful behavior—without labeling it as evil or inhuman. That doesn’t mean tolerating harm. It means holding the possibility that even extreme behavior arises from unmet needs, while taking necessary steps to protect ourselves and others.

Labels like sociopath often carry an implicit assumption of untouchability, like someone is beyond connection, beyond empathy. But again and again, as I’ve seen in prisons, that one simple line of empathy—spoken with presence and without judgment—can land in places no diagnosis could ever reach.

Sometimes it’s not even the words, but the tone, the timing, the genuineness of it. Something like:

 “I imagine it hasn’t been easy, carrying all that alone.” 

Or:

“Sounds like no one really gave a damn what you were feeling back then.” 

And suddenly, I see a softening—a flicker—maybe not a full thaw, but something breaks through the hardened layers. And in that moment, the label loses its grip. 

Why does that happen? Because underneath even the thickest armor, the need to be seen and met with human eyes still lives. It may be buried under years of betrayal, violence, mistrust, and self-protection—but it’s there. 

Empathy doesn’t fix anything. But it reminds someone of their humanity, often long before they can show it outwardly. And that’s what NVC holds so powerfully: not believing that everyone is safe or trustworthy, but that underneath the strategies, even harmful ones, there’s a being trying to meet life. It's about recognizing the realities of psychological conditions without abandoning the possibility of connection. That’s rare. And it’s gold for this work.